She’s here to help you organize your demise!
pick your fighter
the ‘$1000 to go to Hawaii’ bride, the ‘I bought a $99 polygraph on amazon’ lady, or the ‘why was $200 so huge’ birthday girl
a lot of people seem to be confused and think the hawaii bride and the polygraph lady are the same but they’re actually 2 separate people so here’s all 3 in one go
the “$1500 to go to hawaii” bride
Ms Polygraph Test
$200 birthday
bask in the unfiltered nonsense of it all
since someone mentioned this and I had forgotten, a last minute entry fighter: “Squire Sebastian” lady
Why do I get the feeling that in the last one, the child will be judging his dumbass father/mother for giving him a long and stupid name and not listening to other family members when they said not to do so. $20 says that as soon as he is able to, he will change his name to just Sebastian to spite that parent.
I just love that last one because you know that’s got to be a first time mom. Because yeah, your child’s name is an important part of their identity, but it’s also the thing you say at least twenty times a day (at varying volumes and degrees of annoyance) as you tell them to get their coat, put their shoes on, put away their toys, pick out a book to read, finish their dinner, etc., etc. It’s what you’re going to be writing on a million doctor’s forms, enrollment applications, permission slips, and lunchroom checks. It is one of the first words your child will say, and almost certainly the first one they will read and write. And nobody who has any experience being a parent would saddle themselves (let alone their kid) with such and unwieldy moniker.
gummycore
