“But I don’t want eternal life!“
Eternal Diva picspam → Amelia Ruth
The Morning After I Killed Myself
The morning after I killed myself, I woke up.
I made myself breakfast in bed. I added salt and pepper to my eggs and used my toast for a cheese and bacon sandwich. I squeezed a grapefruit into a juice glass. I scraped the ashes from the frying pan and rinsed the butter off the counter. I washed the dishes and folded the towels.
The morning after I killed myself, I fell in love. Not with the boy down the street or the middle school principal. Not with the everyday jogger or the grocer who always left the avocados out of the bag. I fell in love with my mother and the way she sat on the floor of my room holding each rock from my collection in her palms until they grew dark with sweat. I fell in love with my father down at the river as he placed my note into a bottle and sent it into the current. With my brother who once believed in unicorns but who now sat in his desk at school trying desperately to believe I still existed.
The morning after I killed myself, I walked the dog. I watched the way her tail twitched when a bird flew by or how her pace quickened at the sight of a cat. I saw the empty space in her eyes when she reached a stick and turned around to greet me so we could play catch but saw nothing but sky in my place. I stood by as strangers stroked her muzzle and she wilted beneath their touch like she did once for mine.
The morning after I killed myself, I went back to the neighbors’ yard where I left my footprints in concrete as a two year old and examined how they were already fading. I picked a few daylilies and pulled a few weeds and watched the elderly woman through her window as she read the paper with the news of my death. I saw her husband spit tobacco into the kitchen sink and bring her her daily medication.
The morning after I killed myself, I watched the sun come up. Each orange tree opened like a hand and the kid down the street pointed out a single red cloud to his mother.
The morning after I killed myself, I went back to that body in the morgue and tried to talk some sense into her. I told her about the avocados and the stepping stones, the river and her parents. I told her about the sunsets and the dog and the beach.
The morning after I killed myself, I tried to unkill myself, but couldn’t finish what I started.
I needed this tonight
If you’re looking for a sign not to then this is it. My inbox is open if you think talking to a stranger will help.
This is devastating and precious. Wow.
If anyone needs this, here you go. Just remember that somebody, somewhere always cares about you.
Wow, I really need this right now, you can’t regret something like this when you already did it.. please if you are think this is the only way out please know it’s not. Your life does get better even if it doesn’t seem like that would be possible but I swear to you, you will be happier one day… but you have to wait a bit longer to feel that amazing feeling. Stay strong Huns, I love you and so many’s others do too 🖤❤️💛
Holy shit…
This is deep.
If anyone needs this, there ya go❣
You’re not alone!
sometimes i wonder why our generation’s sense of humour is Like This and then i remember that one episode of spongebob where patrick is stressed about his parents visiting and the punchline is that his real parents show up at the end and the random couple that had visited him are like ‘oh right we don’t have a son lmao’ and walk off without another fucking word
I was searching google images for various things in class for inspiration…… And found my own plush that is COMPLETELY UNRELATED
apotheoseity
