pinksweatergettingbetter asked:

DAD i mean me, HOW do you talk to girls?! Dress in a NOT embarrassing way and know it AND convince yourself you're not a dime-a-dozen-snot-nosed-college brat? ( Phoenix leaves an offering of juice and beef jerky for his mystical future dad self )

thegrapesdepression answered:

Of course I’d ask myself this question. Of course.)

“So here’s the thing, kid. You are a snot-nosed college brat. You dress like a teddy bear. You have no redeeming qualities to worthwhile girls. You are never going to get laid. You’re going to end up sad and unhappy like me.

“…So start with accepting all of that!” He stuffed a hunk of jerky into his mouth.

[pinksweatergettingbetter]

thegrapesdepression

“…Alright, I… I didn’t mean it like that.” (I did cry at the drop of a hat like that back then.) “At least cry on a couch or something instead of the floor.” (That was pretty cruel of me, wasn’t it?) “Come on, get up. You’re just making yourself feel worse.”

(I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m sorry I ever let any of that happen to me. I was such an idiot.)

“Just… just get up. C’mere.”