I feel like all (maybe one exception?) Of my irl friends hate me. I don’t know why. I think that it’s because I talk too much about my interests, and people think it’s annoying. I just feel like… all my friends hate me behind my back?? I mean, I think I’m on good terms with my friends. Last Tuesday I gave one of my friends a hug and it was one of the first friend hugs I’ve had in almost a year. I think that it’s just a problem with me. I’ve had a friend who I thought was on good terms with, but he started completely ignoring me and we haven’t talked in a year and one of the people who’s kinda my friend (we don’t talk a lot but I appreciate his company) told me that my ex friend was spreading rumors about me being “toxic and a bitch” because I’m always so fucking annoying and I never stop pushing my interests on other people. I just want my friends to see the things I love, I want to show them a new story or these new characters, because then we could relate over those things. They make me happy and I want my friends to be happy. And I never talk to fucking anyone, I talk maybe 3 times a day??? And when I do I’m too excited to talk with people that I come off as something. I don’t even know what it is. I just think that everyone hates me cuz I’m too annoying or passionate or stupid or too obsessed or something. And I want to be able to tell myself that “that’s not true, your friends don’t hate you” but. I can’t do that, because it has been true for some of my ex friends, who hate me for reasons I still don’t understand. I’m just terrible at communication and when they won’t even give me the time if day it just makes me more distressed and paranoid about the people I call friends in my life. Like, rn my friend seems a little distant, and it’s literally only been 2 days but. I feel like it’s my fault. I’m too fucking obsessed and excited and pushy that I scare people off and they don’t want to be around me. And that just makes it worse because I can’t talk to people and I pace and info dump to myself, and when I talk to a person again I’m annoying and bad. Every one hates me. My friends probably hate me. My family hates me, they always yell and scream at me and I haven’t had that good of a relationship with my sibling for like. 2 years. They’re always telling me to stfu because I’m always rambling and they always yell and say “I don’t care” and I don’t know what to do. I’m just too bad and annoying and stupid to be liked I guess