Finding out N was 16 during the events of BW really changed my entire perspective on his whole character. Him going through all this shit as an adult is still def traumatic and fucked up and his actions are still understandable in a sense due to the manipulation and abuse but him being a literal teenager explains his actions a lot more. the fact he’s thinking of everything in extremes. the fact he’s supposed to be your enemy but still wants to spend time with you like a normal teen because he does actually like the MC and views them as a friend and also because he’s been socially isolated for a good portion of his life. the hesitancy and impulsiveness makes more sense in this context. he’s literally just a kid.