Black Friday does not exist.

[deadcatwithaflamethrower]

Controversial shitboxing time: Black Friday isn’t real.

Well, okay. It exists. It’s a real name affixed to a real name on a real shitshow of a calendar system used by Western civilization. (I’m using the term civilization loosely here.)

But: I’ve been watching. I am a paranoid shopper, mostly because I hate shopping, so I’m not going to spend my money on something unless I know I’m getting a deal. This means I price-watch, even on things I’m not currently in the market to buy. The only market I don’t do this on the regular for is cars, because we already know the prices are inflated. That’s what haggling is for. (Always. Play. Hardball. Be willing to walk away. If you need financing, get it before you go to the dealership. You want to be in control, not them.)

Anyway.

Black Friday isn’t fucking real and hasn’t been for at least the last five years. This week in particular has been fun: I’ve been watching them advertise sales for their early Black Friday specials, and the prices that are the “sale” price are the same or higher than they were the week before, or the month before. Hell, one year I think pretty much everyone and their neighbor’s dog raised prices prior to the sale and then lowered them back down to normal in the name of Black Friday. In fact, I think that was the first year I really noticed the trend.

Now, don’t get me wrong. There USED to be Black Friday sales. Legitimate ones. I worked in those fucking stores, so I knew those prices, and I knew if they’d been legitimately dropped or not for Black Friday. Toystore and retail, your primary Black Friday offenders–I walked those trenches, my dudes. I saw true Black Friday prices for items whose prices had been lowered just for that day.

This year, I have seen exactly ONE Black Friday deal where the price was legitimately lowered $100 below its normal going price.

Just. One.

None of the others. They have claimed price drops…except these price drops? Yeah, the items in question were already that price. Nothing changed except the advertising. I’ve been looking for BF deals, too–you never know when you might see something that other people are in desperate need of, y’know?

Y’all, there ain’t shit except a one-day sale on a pair of Apple earbuds that are still hella overpriced. Just let it go. Maybe if we all refuse to fucking participate, they’ll either bring legitimate BF deals back, or ditch the idea entirely. It’s stupid and it’s gotten people killed and encouraging greed is a sin in like a lot of religions, so maybe we can step back a little.

This isn’t to say don’t buy shit. I mean, the way our society is set up, some of this is shit we actually need. But don’t be fooled by the bullshit. Shop around. Price-watch. Don’t leap for the fancy bold print, because just like the cake, it’s probably a lie.

Anyway. Stay home on Friday. You’re not missing anything this year. If you see an honest-to-fuck Black Friday deal, buy the damned thing online at 3am and then go the fuck to sleep.